Well, that’s just grief exactly, isn’t it? Not the lack of gratitude by any means, but the acknowledgement of what has once been. The what could have beens, particularly in my (read: our) own timing. It doesn’t quite fit the bill of sanctification or nostalgia nor something so terribly simple as “loss,” but is still characterized by all of those feelings. I feel a lot of it these days: the deep complexities of life I wish I could put an exact finger on. Maybe one day, I will. I felt it when mum and Alexandrea were here: the ache of lost days gone by even as they were standing next to me overlooking Palm Beach, even as they sat in the morning drinking our coffee like any other day - a gratitude existing alongside grief in almost near-harmony.

Here’s my thought: maybe it’s because gratitude and grief must co-exist.