Best Self
“The best gift you can give someone is the best version of yourself.” - Enneagram Enthusiast
Visualize her - your best self. Close your eyes a moment - there she is. Is she drinking a warm cuppa on a balcony overlooking the ocean? Is she running a marathon, drenched in sweat, but proud of the hours of work put in? Is she tending to her family of children with a loaf of bread in the oven, or coaching a soccer game? Is she the CEO of her own business, answering phone calls and creating the next draft of machinery? Who is she, and where can you find her?
..& what happens when you not only don’t know what that looks like or who that best version is, but don’t really feel like you’ve lived a life that contributes to the “best self?” What does it mean when you know beyond a doubt where you want to be, but have no idea how to get there? What then?
Well, this is where the hard work comes into play. As a mentor, I can talk all day long about how to recreate your habits, re-wire your brain’s hardware and software, and empathize with emotions. But as quintessential (and sometimes as unreachable) as your “best self” sounds, the primary element it comes down to is simply (and most complex of all) authenticity. Authenticity not only speaks into your lifestyle and response to others, it speaks to others that you are a trustworthy person: actions always speak louder than words. We live in a stimulated world, where it’s easy to distract yourself (speaking as an enneagram type nine) from what’s right in front of you, have clouded judgement based on someone else’s benchmark of where they’re at, and allow for a distorted self-perception.
My whole life, I was lucky enough to have been championed and encouraged to achieve, achieve, achieve - but there came a point in time as an eighteen-year-old that that ended up being the expectation that cut me to the soul, and I just couldn’t do it and be my whole, free self at the same time. Jesus did a lot of work in my heart during this process, I got to know myself again by sitting in the silence and away from the manic life I was living, and the enneagram just started to simmer in my spirit. It was when I was chatting with a mentor who encouraged me deeply, "Sierra, just walk into a room and believe that everyone there already loves you,” that truly changed my heart and framework (and compulsive need to please people). Understanding yourself takes some time, let me tell ya. But it was from there that I was able to build boundaries (although I’ll forever be working on that one), understand what the “best self” meant from a holistic manner, and create some bullet points that contributed to that mindset:
Be the same person behind closed doors as you are “on stage.” Obviously, we all wear multiple different hats (and to be honest, it could get weird if you were the same person with your significant other as you are with your colleagues). But honesty is the best policy. Are your actions authentically delivering what your words convey? Are your words backing up what you live and believe? If it doesn’t align, maybe we’re not our best selves. If you’ve made the choice to do or not do something based on choice or conviction - be it as simple or complex as not swearing, gratitude journaling every day, or exercising - make sure that the person you’re advertising on the surface is the same person when you’re alone. The cracks show through much more quickly than any of us like to realize, and they remove your credibility just as fast.
Recognize that you’re (not) always going to be growing. Authenticity does not equal stagnant just as much as health doesn’t always mean growth. Leaving out the ugly parts of your life because they don’t reflect your best self doesn’t contribute to longevity as a human being. You can be perky and joyful all the time, but if you don’t recognize emotions as a part of the holistic environment they contribute to, you’re going to sink quickly. Asking for help is one of the most humbling, and yet most gratifying things, we can do.
As best as you can, have a work/life balance. We all go through different seasons. Something that I have struggled with at times is finding the balance and the allotted energy to be all in and all me at work…and then come home and to not give my friends/family/S.O. just the leftovers of me (spoiler alert: not your best self…been there, done that). Making sure I switch mentally enough to have specific boundaries at work means that I am ensuring that I have specific boundaries at home.
Probably one of the most important aspects of being your best self is recognizing that you don’t need to be all things to all people at all times. If your strength is connecting people with purpose or creativity and design, and know by trying that all things administration really irritate and frustrate you, chances are you won’t be thriving in a job that’s all admin and no front-facing of the public. Not only does this encapsulate you, this doesn’t justify the job you’re doing when someone who thrives in admin could be doing it.
Balance your stress (and your hormones.) Okay, this is definitely more of a practical one, but if you’re not supporting your body, how do you expect your body to support you? This is speaking mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. If you’re feeling exhausted all the time, if you’re bloating or breaking out. there is always a root issue. Balancing my hormones as a twenty-something (after I thought I escaped the acne) has been the best and hardest thing I’ve done in the last year because ti reminded me to slow down, listen to my body, and heal from the inside out. Sticking a bandaid on a root issue is not going to do anything, and it’s probably the perfect metaphor for thinking about what your best self looks like.
Know your strengths - and amplify them. Probably one of the most important aspects of being your best self is recognizing that you don’t need to be all things to all people at all times. If your strength is connecting people with purpose or creativity and design, and know by trying that all things administration really irritate and frustrate you, chances are you won’t be thriving in a job that’s all admin and no front-facing of the public. Not only does this encapsulate you, this doesn’t justify the job you’re doing when someone who thrives in admin could be doing it. I’m not saying to be soft-skinned about the long-term or doing what you need to do in the here and now to connect to the when and where, but it’s important to recognize where you thrive, and create and be a part of a solid team/circle of friends/relationships that build into that as opposed to drain you. Gallup’s Strength-finder Test is a great resource, and using the enneagram as a tool for authenticity is why I fell in love with it in the first place. Utilize what’s around you.
At the end of the day, you are the one in charge of you, and you are the one who knows you better than anyone else. I want to hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” from God; I want to get to the end of my life and know that I gave it a good shot and lived a life worth living - rest and work and play and all the in-between moments that no one saw. So with the knowledge that you have about you, I encourage you to do the best with what you have. You won’t regret it, and neither will your future and present self.
xo,
Sierra Mackenzie
To read more about levels of health, authenticity, conflict management, & for an interactive test to help determine your type, my book, THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO THE ENNEAGRAM, based on the pillars of Home, Love, Work, & Play, is now available in North America, Australia, and Europe. Order here with my partner vendors, or pick up a copy at your local bookstore.