learning to embrace.

I was on the phone with my mama, excitedly confirming that I did, in fact, now "work" at at local shop. "I'm so excited to see the opportunities the L-rd is going to work through this!" "Oh, yes!" she rejoiced with me, then stopped; because we both remembered. 

"It's going to be interesting- it's going to be strange- because you won't be around as much anymore." 

I stop; and tears suddenly fill my eyes- because she's right. "Well...maybe this is just a seasonal thing. We'll see." My heart aches, because I've felt it, little-by-little- in the past year, my season of being and acting "as a child" is much more easily slipping from my grasp. 

Already I am learning a lesson, receiving a new opportunity to react joyously to. 

  When I was little, my heart's desire was to be a dolphin trainer and take care of babies. The latter stayed in my mind, as if that was all there was to growing up.  As a result, I "adopted" Grace-Hope from the moment she was born...and obviously not only because I wanted to grow up. I forgot about the part that said that I needed to learn other life skills along the way- the skills of grace, of working with others.

I never realized how much of a "typical" young girl I can be seen as. I look forward to becoming a wife and mother, and embrace future days- I love to look ahead and seize each day. But I forget the work that each day requires to become who He has called me to be. 

I guess that what I mean by that is, though I rejoice in the future with my actions, my heart still yearns to remain me in my soul; and I'm afraid that I won't stay "me." 

A friend's comment last night reminded me that I'm not to stay me really struck a chord in my soul. Though I prayed for my Abba to shut the door if He saw the need...He gave me the next step. 

I honestly don't know how I was going to write or even end this. I think I just need to get some thoughts out in writing. 

Praying for restoration...and praying for the joys of "growing up" to manifest themselves in my day-to-day relationships, and my relationship with my Jesus. 

all is grace, my friends...all is grace. 

And the fact that I'm not quite sure where He plans to take me next..means implicit trust and surrender. Let me embrace this season, Abba, and remain so invigorated by Your Spirit until the next. 

blessed.