today i prayed to die.

It's a cloudy morning. A warm mug of spiced coffee is clutched between my two chilled hands.  A dog curls around my feet after begging for my attention without avail. No one is up yet, so all is quiet, at rest, and peaceful. And my mind just sits and waits, and rests. 
"I want to rise on the wings of eagles..." 

Yet another awakening is taking hold in my heart... that of letting go, and I'm unsure how to explain it. I saw something yesterday day on a social networking site, that at first, tugged at my heartstrings. I was at first concerned, then wondering, and then, surprisingly enough, overcome with joy. My day shone brighter. 
"I want to walk on water towards Your outstretched arms, encouraging me, "My daughter, this is what you were made to do... trust Me. Trust Me more." 

The only reason why I was, indeed, jubilant, was because "this" was not mine to hold on to. If it was first and foremost in my mind, I'm not quite sure how I'd react to this. But in this realization, I am so overwhelmed by my Jesus' constant grace... by His love everlasting. 
"Envelop Me in Your constant embrace." 

By One who has shared with me in each of my struggles and has desired to bear it. My Bible falls open to John 14:27, and I read the words...by a note in the corner, I find another date where I am struggling with this, and am drawn to Romans 8:28. 
"All things work together for good, to those who love G-d... and are called according to His purpose," I read, and then my face breaks into a smile. Without this Love... my First Love.. if He were inconstant, anything less than who He is... I am nothing. 
My Jesus... my Jesus, is the Holder of my heart, Keeper of my soul. I am His, He is mine. He is my definition, and the song of my heart. 
"I am captivated by You. May my life be one unbroken gaze, fixed upon the beauty of Your face." 

People are up and about, and I felt the pull of another day dawning. 
I'm lingering... hesitant to go. 
"Jesus. Take it all... Abba... let me die to myself.. let me live each day ever and always only for You." 

...only for You.