First Love

Several years ago, I fell in love. He was perfect: kind, generous, loving, and always there to talk to me whenever I needed Him. I, on the other hand, was quite the opposite: sure, I reflected kindness in my life, but never like Him, where a single touch would remove all the terrible things from a day. Sure, I reflected generosity; but never, no matter how hard I tried, could I divide a loaf of bread and some fish like He could. And of course I was loving—to my friends. Those who had hurt me? Well, not so much.  I don’t even want to talk about the last one; I had trouble hearing someone tell me to do something that I didn’t want to do; but even when He wasn’t in the room He heard every word spoken, and every upset sigh of regret or distress. And He would be there.

                However, this was only at the beginning of our relationship. As I spent more and more time with my First Love, I became more and more like Him. When I was down, He would pick me up, dust me off; and immediately I could conquer anything with my King in shining armor by my side. But though I grew more in love with Him by the minute, it was fairly easy to be distracted by other things.

                I might see something that planted a seed in my mind, which though crowded with His thoughts, would not be pushed out no matter what I did.

                “That looks interesting,” I might say, “How ‘bout you take me this way?” Sometimes, He’d say yes, and then oh! How blessed I’d feel. But other times, He’d say no. And that would bother me.

                “What if I just did this?” “My dear, you really don’t want to do that…” “But-”

                “But I want to go there!” my heart would cry. “Darling, aren’t I enough for you? Can’t you trust Me to know what’s best?”

                Most times I would submit; but at other times, I’d be frustrated. However, when I submitted, and came back to sit at His feet, though joy flowed through me, I’d feel so ashamed. “You know me,” I’d tell Him, “teach me where we’ll go today.” “This is where,” He said, pointing to some new, uncharted, rather scary-looking territory. “But I’ve never been there! Maybe it’s too much! Will we able to handle it?” “I’ve been there,” He reassured me, “and My power is made perfect in your weakness.”

                Right now, He’s in the process of equipping me to go there. I'm more in love with Him than ever. I’m still a little afraid, and maybe just a bit worried. But when the time comes, He’ll take my hand, and we’ll go on our adventure. Any when I feel I can’t take it anymore? He’ll carry me.

                My First Love

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“Father, let me be weak that I might lose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions, Lord, let me lose the tension of a grasping hand...Rather, open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary –as Christ’s was open –that I, releasing all might be released, unleashed from all that binds me here.” -Jim Elliot”

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My Jesus, may we delight in You, so that You will author the desires of our hearts. May we never take any distractions over You. And may we look upon You as our First Love; knowing that the source of all joy and contentment comes from submission to You, and sitting at Your feet.

love,

sierra

Article and all pictures, Copywrite, 2011, Sierra Brewer