Regaining Confidence (& the Return to Love)
A few years ago, I wrote a post about stepping out of the acting & modeling industry for a time as I moved to Sydney and navigated what living in a different continent looked like (everything from driving on the opposite side of the road to calling ‘cilantro,’ ‘coriander’ instead.) It wasn’t a half bad decision at the time, as the pandemic hit shortly after moving and Australia went into lockdown after lockdown. But in the last six months, I’ve felt a reawakening to step back into storytelling from that angle as the best I knew how. Stepping back in front of a camera has been nothing less than exciting, and nothing more than…nerve-wracking? Anxiety inducing isn’t the right emotional adjective I’m looking for, but it’s probably the most relatable feeling to describe.
Rediscovering the “real you” is what we picks your confidence back up from the ground where it may have shaken off. As someone who’s working and allowing Jesus to consistently soften my heart, I am also reminding myself over and over again that I am not what I do. But how to sit in the seat of self-love at a table where accolades are often based on the seen? Here’s a few ways that I’m making the choice to put in the work, day by day.
Walk loved & treasure the unseen.
I believe that we are beautiful, loved, cherished people. What last led you into a scenario where you felt like your whole self? For me, it’s chasing down a glorious sunset after a day in the sea, wind playing with my hair and nearly chapping my face, laughing with my loved ones. It’s having a silent moment where I have a scribble in a notebook that later turns into a poem. It’s the strength I muster at the gym, and the woo (winning others over) I lasso when I go for a walk in the city. It’s having a whole-hearted, somewhat emotional conversation with a dear friend. It’s telling a story through an art medium.
It’s carefree, honestly wild, and vulnerable.
These aren’t things that I do. They’re scenarios that I am in. 90% of the time, no one is watching me feel these things, and I am not in the scenarios thinking, “I am my whole self.” What leads you to your “whole self scenario,” and how does that fit into your everyday? Once you know - harness that, and build it into your life’s makeup and routine.
Protect & process your emotions…and then watch your patterns.
It is one of my favourite things to do to step away from facing my emotions. I can think of a million other things I can distract myself with - and you better believe that entire list starts with being productive with a podcast or audio book in my ears to keep my thoughts from running away. However, choosing to address these vulnerable emotions of fear, guilt, or anger allow for personal reflection and equally allow for the overflow emotions of joy, excitement, and wonder. You can’t have one without the other.
Being aware of what causes the other emotions keeps me in check with deeply valuing…well, me, and everything I feel. If I don’t feel that I am lovable or valuable with those emotions, I am not honouring what God has created within me. That doesn’t mean that all emotions are healthy of course; what it does mean is that I can feel what I need to feel instead of shoving it all down - and move on, instead of dwelling on it longer by not dealing with anything.
Not only is that unhealthy, it’s keeping me from the quiet and strong confidence I so desire.
Build linear and positive relationships with accountability.
There’s nothing I crave more than a chat with one or two deeply impactful relationships in my life. If you’re setting a goal, make sure to talk it through with a friend (or even a counselour or therapist). The accountability factor is massive. I have three close friends that I often voice creative thoughts or ideas to, and of course I’m always talking through with my mum. “There is no greater comfort in the world than to comfort someone else.” As you build these linear relationships, equally encourage and pour into those loved ones.
Having an alternative perspective with people you trust allows for discussion and constructive criticism or debate, and invites them to ask the hard questions.
Back yourself, and learn to be assertive.
We have been given a great gift to be serve others. Why not serve them from abundance than out of guilt, obligation - or even from a feeling of responsibility? Serve through encouragement, listen well, and remember that you too, are so worthy of love and belonging.
If you treat yourself as worthy of love and belonging, you give yourself back the power to say no as necessary, and create a relationship with boundaries that offer life back to you. Know what your body, soul, mind, and spirit needs, and make it a priority.
Chase the inner genius.
The famous author Elizabeth Gilbert writes about the separation of inner genius and genius, the friend who visits, and it shifted my life from constantly feeling underwhelmed with my "inner genius” (lack), to instead actively inviting “genius, my friend" into my creative space.
Who are the people that you admire? Why do you admire them? I have a running list in my head of people in my personal life both past and present that I deeply aspire to be like, and whether they are close friends or well known to the world as one of the greats, they both have made their historical mark on my personal story, and for that I am truly grateful. But my aspiration is not to be a version of them, it’s to understand their inner workings so I can realize how they chased genius, harnessed it, and create(d) beyond a shadow of a doubt a life that they are proud of. Instead of feeling undermined by their authority, I remember to choose to be overwhelmed by their generosity in my life, and acknowledge their influence with gratitude. Regardless of what you do or have done, staying humble is the only way to live well as you chase the inner genius that is creativity.
May we become kinder people as we become more confident in our daily breath.