Walk With Purpose

I remember meeting one of my now acquaintances and family friends when I was maybe ten, and being blown away by her.  Her walk. Her talk. They way she carried herself. Her sweetness. I remember even then how I wanted to be like her. And at that moment in time, with our age gap of maybe eight years, she had barely held a conversation with me. 

My sister Alexandrea has always been this way. She always walked just so, probably totally subconsciously, and people would just propel their way out of her direction. I always had people walk smack into my shoulder, and then glare at me. And of course, my mum always told me, "Carry yourself well. Stand up straight." 

I did -when I thought about it, or when I was in such a situation where I felt so much myself I didn't even have to think about it. I even had what my family labeled the "airport walk" because that was one place I felt totally confident in. 

But my personality towards myself caused me to have to really think about it most of the time. The year I turned seventeen,  the Lord allowed me to completely throw off the chains that bound me outside of the house, and I began to see myself in a different light. I forgot about what the unseen, pretend crowd was thinking. Now, a few short years later, it's a learning experience as I work my way outward. So is the rest of life, this speaking and having a different opinion. 

Walking into my first official casting as a young adult instead of a little girl or young teen, I was eighteen, and just getting back into the modeling business with a rigor. I walked tall. I embraced my height. I remember exuding confidence and joy as I walked in and breezed out. 

I got the job. 

Without realizing it, I began subconsciously walking with that same purpose everywhere I went. It changed so much about how others treated and spoke to me. But carrying yourself well is rather an ambiguous statement if you ask me. 

It's rather interesting, though, how I can call myself out so much more quickly when I feel myself shrink slightly back into the shadows. Learning that just living is really just the physical manifestation of an inner confidence. Smiling, creating conversation, and head held high. It's body language, and it creates so much more of an impression than what you first say. If you observe yourself when you are acting most like yourself...that's you.

And let me assure you, you're greatness redefining itself with each breath.  It's funny to think about catching yourself when you're walking down the street, laughing with your best friend- but catch yourself, because that's the best version of you. That's the spot where you come alive. 

When I moved to New York, my good friend and I went for a walk, and he remarked on how much I already walked like a New Yorker. How the hustle and bustle had already translated into my soul. It was true. I felt like myself, and it came through the way I carried myself. If you didn't want to get pushed or shoved, you walked and moved like you knew where you were going, even if you didn't. If you didn't want to get spotted as a tourist, you knew what subway you were taking ahead of time. If you were nervous..you didn't act like it. Pretty soon the acting part dissipates and you begin to take on life with programmed expectations of who you are and how others should see you- through God's eyes. He is your ultimate definition. You don't have to be strong enough. He is. 

Moving out on my own for the first time has caused a reiteration of that lesson in my life as I observe things from a much smaller scope in a much larger sea than where I grew up. With no one here, community or otherwise, things seem like I'm really on my own; and it's a culture shock. But I caught myself quickly, and changed my walk. And immediately I felt like the best version of myself. 

I can do this. 

The thing is, walking with purpose is so much more than just walking like you know what you're doing. It's knowing who you are and whose you are. Knowing that you're capable, and even if you're alone, you're not walking by yourself. Walk with purpose. You have one, you know. The moment you started breathing was the moment the world could not do without you. 

"Walk like a queen, Sierra," my mentor whispered in my ear, "you know, He does call you one." He calls you that, too. 

 I took that advice. It's hard to look back.