tender years.
Time- it's a sobering thing, isn't it?
It's also incredible, and even mind-altering to think how it changes you.
A split second, & things can so swiftly melt from one moment to the next.
"For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness." -
Andy Rooney
The above has been a quote to stick, if you will. Not a planner by nature, it's much more agreeable to me to think about and find my immense enjoyment in the smaller things. Lately, however, I've been reminded about how much more intentional one has to be in seeking out those moments with others.
Christmas season was -- oh, how to put it -- a quieter season for us. Certainly, it was still filled with a hustle and bustle, but there was a distinct nostalgia in my heart as my hands prepared meals alongside my mum, we placed ornaments here and there on the tree, and triumphant, recreated carols were pounded out on olding piano keys. My family has been battling off one health issue after the next among my parents, and life has been far from easy in the loosest term. I remember walking to the hospital just a couple of weeks ago, my boots clicking on the pavement. And I don't know why, but I feel as if boots give me some sort of feeling of power. Especially heeled boots, which is why I need to live in a place with four seasons at some point in my life. But I digress.
Funny, isn't it? I look back in notebooks and journals and things, and take note that 2014 was the year I picked the word abandon as 'the one' to live by for three-hundred-and-sixty-five days, followed by 2015, the year I picked arise, and then 2016. 2016 was faith. I think written side by side with my life story the last three years, they all build on top of each other. I continued to pray about my word for 2017 the last several weeks, and still don't have any clarity on either of them particularly. But I feel certain that the Lord put both
Soar and Flourish
on my heart, and I think flourish is definitely for the latter months of the year coming up. Soar, though. Soar is something I know and will clarify, soon.
Speaking to others about it, 2016 was a hard year for many. But it was also one of the best years I can remember, despite sitting here at my desk now, when this time last year I so confidently stated I would be elsewhere. What a surreal and odd moment it was, as (and how I felt like a drowsy-eyed little girl) I watched the ball drop from my sofa instead of under the reams of confetti and balloons in Times' Square. It's become necessary, in my mind, to create some semblance of a list of things that I want to happen this year, this 2017- which, by the way, is not native to my tongue. The words have an unexplored potential not quite like the opening of any other year, which is rather exciting.
I want to write, more. I also want to get back to running my own business. You know, with photos and music and everything in between. To re-label myself as the entrepreneur that I was. I should also probably stop drinking coffee again. I've won and lost the battle with that so many times, but caffeine itself isn't that great for me. The last month it's caught up. I also want to work more as a public hand, to get things done in the desert where I am. Act. Charities. Model. Journalism. Write about the small Palm Springs. Start a magazine or get my book at least 80% of the way accomplished. It's much easier said than done, but oh- this adult thing? I laugh when I tell Grace-Hope, "it's not all that it's cracked up to be," but those words cut through to my soul.
I'm just not sure. I'm not sure why I continue to simply be surprised by the change a few years can bring about.
I'm not sure why it's sometimes so difficult to realize there's grace for myself, being okay with stepping away to allow myself a moment of quiet.
I'm not sure why the scattered crop of freckles on my nose ever bothered me.
So. Here's to exploring the unexplored places, delighting in the being known and vulnerable, and perfecting the homemade meals and americanos.
I expect a lot of struggle this year, along with the joys and stretching of my heart and spirit.
But I also expect a lot of strength.
What a comfort it is to know that, though I do not
know, He has me right where He wants me to be.