'i'm busy.'

Last weekend was spent exploring some of the hidden gems of the desert I've always called home. For some reason, I've never had, taken, or made the time to dig deeper into their locations, and though I was well-aware of them, there was something magical about exploring them and their breathtaking sights for the first time. 

The incredible people we ventured out with were all talented, incredible, wonderful people I'm thrilled to call my friends. However, that experience is saved for another post. 

Between breathing deeply in the gorgeous sunlight and letting my heart realize all the sensations of the breeze, I caught my breath in the ever-antagonizing question, "Why haven't I done this before?" Beyond the fact that my dad wasn't quite certain of how safe it would be? I think...for me, I like to think I'm busy. 

And I am. 

I teach, work, suffer from that now-understood disease known as senioritis, and somehow in between those crazy days I manage to maintain a few dear and sweet relationships that refresh my soul (you know who you are). But...am I really that busy? There are days when my mum says, "Don't worry," and I just don't because she told me not to. But there are others..yeah. Others. Those are the days I wonder why there aren't twenty-six or twenty-eight hours in a day, if not eight days in a week. And then I shake my head at myself as I realize how ridiculous I actually am in thinking if I did have those extra hours or days. We are people divided. Cracking at the seams, sometimes. Or just plain spread thin. Why? Why are we so busy? 

I think it becomes a habit to just say it. "How are you?" "Okay...so busy!!!" Has busy become an excuse or a way of life? Because if we aren't busy...what have we been doing all this time that's added up to what we're doing now? Those dreams we had to fulfill by the time we were twenty-five..right. Those. Forgot about that list you charted out senior year in order to get to those, didn't you? Maybe busy is simply a word to fill in that emptiness that sometimes strikes you when you need to renew. Maybe if you don't feel busy and say it, there's a sense of laziness involved when we just need to sit still and take a few moments or hours or days to retake it all in. Maybe it's that cumbersome chain that if we don't at least pretend to keep up with the fast-paced lifestyle of our world, we run the risk of ending up trampled. But what kind of a life does that leave us to live? 

Is it really one that's worthwhile? "How are you?" Next time, take a deep breath, open your mouth, and say. Whether that's, "Great, thank you; looking forward to spending the weekend hiking, playing board games, or cleaning (yes, that's me)," or "Okay, not at my best but looking forward to that upcoming time to get life back in order," it's about that renewal. 

I'm learning that the older I get, the more intentional I need to be about my life. About saying no, i'm sorry, i can't right now; about prioritizing; about being present; about living freely. As my cousin says, "Work hard, play hard." 

Life isn't about most of us; nor should it be. But you can't be the best you while you're running ragged for everyone. Take that moment in the morning to breathe in Jesus, breathe in His heart for you..and let Him take root. These are the things that keep busy from being a way of life.