I Belong to Jesus || Revisited
I won't say it's easy. Recently, during a garage conversation with my dad, I admitted it: "Yeah, I'd love a boyfriend. I'd love someone telling me I'm beautiful and sending me flowers all the time. But at the same time, I wouldn't want him to take precedence right now." Why? God's already been sending me flowers once a month with the strangest timing. My dad hugged me close and said he wouldn't act like his telling me I'm beautiful wasn't enough. But he said he was so excited for me as I realize more and more now how I need to know myself so much more. "How much more," I laughed to myself, "I know myself this year than last." I am no longer a starry-eyed little girl enraptured with the world around me, and the brief taste I'd had exploring options. The Lord has so shaped and molded my heart around such experiences in the last year alone. I know now.
As Ephesians 6 says, the struggle is “not against flesh and blood.” Little choices lead to bigger choices. Honestly, I’ve never been tempted to kiss a guy... and I’m pretty sure I’ve never tempted a guy to kiss me! But that’s because the choices I make beforehand don’t let me get into those sorts of situations. Don’t get me wrong; I still face temptation on a daily basis. But they’re not usually physical choices of what I do or don’t do with a guy. They’re choices of what I watch, what I read, what I listen to, what I say, and what thoughts I choose to entertain. I’ve found that every right choice leads to a deeper mental and spiritual commitment to purity—complete purity before my Savior, not just the kind one's mind nearly immediately drifts to in our culture.
I'll tell you this: my pursuit of "purity" as I've described it has not been perfect. There are things I’ve pursued that I should have let go; times I've wondered and other times where I have sobbed and openly told Jesus that, while I trusted him, I wasn't certain or sure. But missing a step doesn’t mean it’s not worth finishing the dance. Learning this dance of life itself now means that I’ll be ready when I’m joined by another, one who has learned patience and practiced just as I have.
“What do you mean practice?” you might ask. “Why learn purity now? Why not just “have some fun” while you’re single? There’s lots of time to be ‘faithful’ once you’re married.”
Pay attention. What you do now, will be what you do when you’re married. You cannot choose to live a life getting your way every single time now and then automatically become the epitome of patience and perfection when you say “I do.” If you don’t stand your ground now, marriage will not automatically cure you of your desire for what is not yours. If two dancers who have no idea what they’re doing get together, do they get better? No, their grace is lacking to the extreme. Toes get stepped on, balance is lost, and there may even be a total collision with another unsuspecting pair of dancers.
I’m not going to make up your list of what is and isn’t “pure” for you. I wouldn't dare go so far to give you boundaries that I've let fear of others once put on me. That’s between you and God. But I ask you to consider carefully, and not let the world’s twisted way of thinking influence you. So many things that are “acceptable” in this day and age are detestable to God. Yes, detestable. I have my list, and like I said, I’m still learning. But one thing I know is that I’m definitely saving my first kiss for my wedding day.
No, I'm not the type one tier homeschooler. I wear jeans and shorts as well as dresses and skirts. I have a job outside my home, and honestly, as much as I would like to, I don't sit embroidering pillow cases at this moment in time. I am with kids five or six days a week and love it, I run my own business, and aspire highly in the modeling and acting industry. I have several good friends who are guys, as well as young ladies, who spur me on in Jesus and His plan for me. I read books, I watch movies, I listen to music that includes some secular artists as well as play on the worship band at church; I do all of these- with Christ in mind. For my heart and my soul are too sold out for Jesus to entertain any of these things that might even distract from what He has promised me.
No, I'm not the type one tier homeschooler. I wear jeans and shorts as well as dresses and skirts. I have a job outside my home, and honestly, as much as I would like to, I don't sit embroidering pillow cases at this moment in time. I am with kids five or six days a week and love it, I run my own business, and aspire highly in the modeling and acting industry. I have several good friends who are guys, as well as young ladies, who spur me on in Jesus and His plan for me. I read books, I watch movies, I listen to music that includes some secular artists as well as play on the worship band at church; I do all of these- with Christ in mind. For my heart and my soul are too sold out for Jesus to entertain any of these things that might even distract from what He has promised me.
“But that’s so unromantic!”
If you ever say that to me... you don't know me very well; for, my friends, I’m as romantic as they come! I love seeing happy couples together, I cry at all the weddings I have attended, and most of my favorite movies are adventurous tales in which the lead characters, drawn together through perilous circumstances, fall in love at the end (Ever After, anyone? Cinderella?) But romance is not just what you see at weddings and in the movies. Real romance begins with a decision you make long before you find your knight (or fair lady, to the male readers).
The fact is, I’ve decided in my heart that on my wedding day, I don’t just want to be able to say “I’ve saved my body for you.” I want to be able to give all of me, without reservation. I want to be able to say, “I’ve saved everything, even my thoughts, for you alone. You’re the only one I have ever, and will ever love.”
