Mistypes in the Enneagram
To read more about levels of health, storytelling, conflict management, & for an interactive test to help determine your type, my book, THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO THE ENNEAGRAM, based on the pillars of Home, Love, Work, & Play, is now available in North America, Australia, and Europe. Order here with my partner vendors, or pick up a copy at your local bookstore.
One of the biggest conversations I have with people who have branded me “the enneagram girl” is the personal wavering between one or more types (my own family is notorious for saying, “I think I’m ___. But I’m definitely a ____, too.” …to the point where I’ve stopped saying you can’t be more than one type, because some people are just happy swinging back and forth between a type three and a type eight (and let me tell ya, nothing gets me going more than a self-professed 3w8). While in my own brain I get frustrated, maybe it just means they’re not ready to take in all the information about the pitfalls of their own type yet - and there’s plenty of empathy for that. I am a type nine, after all.
If you’re finding yourself mistyping on a regular basis, or even caught between two or three or more types - never fear! There’s a few different things to consider. And if you have a few people in your life that maybe swing back and forth between types, that’s okay - they’re also on their own journey, and they have just as much to learn and garner from their own experience after all. Whether you’re figuring yourself out, or trying to find an answer for someone who happens to think they’re a 3w8 (bless your heart) or a mix of a type seven and type four, there’s a few different explanations to help you in your journey:
You Don’t Like What’s Being Communicated
It’s easy to read types and think, “Dang, that’s pretty harsh. I don’t really like that aspect of me, and I don’t feel like I’m passive aggressive that often.” Honesty with oneself is just as crucial as honesty with others, and yet we’re creatures who are often professional liars. It’s easy to dig from a well that’s dry, but convey to the rest of the world that our well is in fact, gushing, and what, yours isn’t? While an outside opinion is often helpful, it’s often not our first guide. So if you think that because someone is aggressive in the way they communicate themselves, you can’t jump on the bandwagon of saying they’re an eight. Not only is this misleading, it’s also pinpointing someone’s core motivation upon them, which isn’t fair…since you’re not the other person. The enneagram has the capability of bringing about hurt. I didn’t like hearing that I often come across as a sleepwalking pushover, but hearing the truth about me (from a professional source, of course), made for a good change that I could make for myself - that I was now aware of. If you don’t particularly like what’s being communicated towards you from your potential type, take a look at yourself and think about whether that’s conveying honesty to you, or is simply bringing up things you’ve hoped to mask. We all hate being called out; the enneagram does that so beautifully because we know how to be the best version of our authentic selves - not to hide behind social norms.
You’re Uncertain of the Core Motivations
Something we always forget: each core motivation is important to every single number. You’d be hard pressed to find a single person who says that loyalty isn’t important to them - but amongst the type ones, perhaps it would fall slightly lower on the list of importance than making sure that things are right. In the same way, while I would say that it’s important for things to be done right, I don’t care half as much and would rather go with the flow and be brutally honest (9w8) than to worry about the “exact rightness” of things. Make sense? So perhaps there’s a bit of a sit down you need to do with yourself: list out all of the core motivations, for example, and number them in your own personal order of importance. Reconfigure from there; perhaps there was a type you cut out because you didn’t feel out of the gate you could actually be a type five.
3. You’ve Forgotten Healthy vs. Unhealthy Types
Also in my list of FAQ’s is, “what is the most _____ type?” (jealous, insecure, boastful, spiteful, unlikeable, you name it). My favourite answer is “All. Of. Them. If a type is unhealthy enough, there’s literally nothing stopping them from becoming the most ridiculous, rude, angry, disintegrated version of themselves. Perhaps you just happen to be a healthy eight who knows how to communicate well and hold one’s emotions in check with humility; or an unhealthy type two who lets people walk all over them. Take levels of health into account! You might be going through a season where it’s hard to find sure footing, and that will contribute to how you treat others and see/treat yourself.
4. Take Into Account All the Factors
All the things matter: from wings, stress and security, subtypes, and the triads. The enneagram is like an onion. If you want to know your type simply as a conversation starter or topic, full stop, that’s all well and good. But, if you’re stuck between types or like many people recognize the benefit to knowing the ins and outs of life, it’s worth thinking about how wings function, as well as where you go in stress or security. For example, if you think you’re a 3 because of core motivations (being the best), but relate way more with the tendencies of a 7, and don’t really see how you move 9 in stress…perhaps it’s time to look at a 7, or even a 6w7 who moves to 3. In the same way, subtypes change a type almost entirely, and are worth looking into. Hint: Click here for more about subtypes. And also, summaries don’t actually tell you anything. So if you think you’re a 2 because “you’re a people person,” or a 4 because “you’re a creative” (the worst enneagram generalization, and I will die on that hill), chances are you’re not, and were taken in by a generalization.
Whether you got a test result with multiple answers very close to each other, these should help set you on the right track…and if you’re still confused, well, the “contact me” page is there for a reason. Thank me later. ;)