" i am nodding my head an emphatic yes to all that You have for me." 

November 1st
What can you say or do if something or someone you counted on suddenly flips the "off" switch?  It's frustrating when you can't control certain things about you that would certainly affect and change circumstances for what I would say are "better."  However, G-d is  in control of any situations, and though our hearts may ache in the process... H e withholds no good things from us. 

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when G-d pries your fingers open."
-Corrie ten Boom. I'm holding onto this quote lately... it keeps popping into my life- definitely not a mistake. Oh my. Sometimes I almost feel ashamed of unburdening myself to Jesus so often- and I know that that's definitely a lie.

But on the days where I feel down and broken...I look around, listen to others, and realize that I am beyond blessed. I've been given more than beyond measure... but I'm most alive when I've broken down and given Jesus the control (not that He obviously didn't have it already). Giving it to Him has been becoming less and less of a struggle now- I'm so thankful. ah, I'm so thankful for Jesus. 

But oh... I have Jesus. And while my life is far from perfection, I am not homeless; I am in good health; I have a family who cares about me so much that only Jesus surpasses their love... and I have Him who cares for me. "His eye is on the sparrow and I know He's watching me."  Ah, L-rd... let me see beyond my fear. Let me share this peace and serenity in the gracious uncertainty of the days... Let me sorrow with the sorrowful and share their pain... and speak to them. I ask... I ask for a scary situation. One that will get me out of my comfort zone. One that will make me trust in You more than ever before. I want others to taste and see Your goodness..

November 7th
"Entirely unconcerned with growing old 'cause we're young and wild and free. And this is when we know it's not pretend, this moment that we're in is feeling fragile, fading into history. We've never been so fully alive.
Even death will die."

My heart is saddened, heavy, this morning... anxious, mainly; but also a bit depressed. I'm so thankful for the prayers of a friend and being able to have a chance to talk to Marmee. I'm wrapped in His arms... and the comfort is that His thoughts are higher than mine, and He sees the bigger, more perfect picture... one that I could never fathom.

November 8th
You know... the thought last night gave me more peace than I realized was possible in the state of mind that the issue had given me. Even though last night was crazy, this morning was stressful... I could let this day conquer me... but I'm not. My ring on my finger reminds me that I can do all things through His strength- not mine.  G-d is in control, and there is more to "this" than meets the eye.

It's grace in uncertainty once again. If I knew what things meant as soon as I saw them... I still would hardly be able to prevent anything. I know I've done my best and all I can do. There is complete contentedness and joy in the fact that the rest... is not in my hands. t hank You, Abba.
A friend sent me the song Overcomer..and I don't believe either of us will ever know how much she has blessed me.

"Eucharisteo." -----> G-d's gifts all around me. For instance, today Alexandrea's choosing to tell me how someone had responded to a "ministry" story that impacted me... was a gift- it made my day 5,000 times better. Tiffani's prayer for me is a gift. Being able to focus on school instead of work right now is actually a gift in disguise. There is a wonder in this.
Matthew 11:28-30 is on my heart tonight. I'm not taking my burdens back by worrying about them.   Take control.

November 11th
Yesterday I received a call from someone... and may I just say, things have become much clearer. Basically, "this" may or may not work out. However, in this case... "they" really liked what they saw- which is Christ. So. While I'm not stressing about the meaning of meeting, there is a lot of praying going on. I'm so, so thankful that I was not the problem. The circumstance beyond my control was.
Jesus, You define me. 

November 12th
I'm officially "gone" -for now. However, thanks be to G-d, I have two things that were not guaranteed at the beginning of this situation. And yet, lo and behold, I was just called (again), and booked three new students. I am feeling His grace.
I know He had a lesson for me in all of this... and I am thankful, though tears were shed this morning, and I know many more will be through this life- I can be confident that He has the perfect plan. And He knows best.
Everything is a gift- and everything good comes from His hand. I'm thankful for the personal inadequacy I was shown through this. I can't do anything on my own; it is through grace that I draw each breath at this moment and continue to write. I would be confident if I did not feel how weak I was these past few days. I can't accomplish anything... but truth is that He can and will.

Romans 8:28

" He withholds no good thing from us."