Dear 2022
Dear 2022,
You were beautiful. And rough + tumble; & a year of finding belonging & unraveling what that means all over again. You were “on the brink.” One of accomplishment and gratitude, and also one that reminded me (as an adult) how much I need community and a healthy dose of therapy to actually get through it all & still be wildly and freely ‘me’ and in childlike wonder, to still be madly in love with life.
I’m re-reading Ezekiel and was reminded of how God promised to give the Israelites a heart of flesh to replace their heart of stone. What came out of that was a little whisper of Holy Spirit: “Hard hearts try harder even in their stubbornness, and that’s not your portion this season…try a little softer, little one.”
I could write a tiny book on this year & the girl that’s walked out of them. I wish I could say she was unscathed; but that would be false, and instead of a book, I have at least fifty pages of journal entries from this month alone that make me feel that I have somehow walked more than fifty miles in the same amount of time. This year has been a year of solitude & deep loneliness, & going to the beach with strangers (and more books than my shoulders will thank me for) to receive the ebb and flow of their existence and somehow feel that I am taking part in their story.
But it’s been in that solitude that I remembered who I was first: when I’m not running around trying; when I’m not feeding the community from what was often becoming a half-full plate; where my softness is more intriguing than my stubborn; where a longing and sense to “settle down” is almost constantly at battle with the desire to pack my bags (metaphorically and literally); where intelligent conversations and beautiful stories feed emotional intimacy to overflowing; where creating - art, writing, song, acting, and cooking experiments - are purely done out of love for the process of creating and not for any particular contribution….& where I am desperately in need of my Saviour’s hand to hold mine.
And ya know what?
I like that girl.
She’s real, and honest, and bright-eyed & full of hope, & learning all the time.
The unraveling has built more into the story and the authenticity of life.
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, grateful to those who held me closely, and walked alongside one of the strangest years of my life. Looking forward to the adventures of this coming year: more friendships to forge, more bags to pack and unpack and pack again, more songs to sing, more words to write, more art to be made, more emotions to (be comfortable) feel(ing). We’ll see you there.